Day 2

13 july 2012

watching movie half way and now thinking of her again. Every time think of her, my heart will feel the pain again. So fed up and tired. Today went to 求签.i really surprise myself. Dunno what I am thinking or doing. Normally not the kind that is too into god and all but really…speechless.

Asked about career and been told that will find a job with the august. Which is a relief. Been trying for more than a month d. of course asked about relationship. Only bad news. Listen to the lady makes my heart break. Saying that she only take me as friend, and she cannot accept my thinking and suggestions. Really dunno what to think. Conflict between the east and west. Tarot card say can marry which is what I really want.

Saw angie’s post on fb today about aries. Very accurate. When aries love a person, will love with all my heart. And we won’t say it out and that lead to today’s problem. In my heart, there is a strong feeling that she still loves me and that all she had done is bcoz she dunwan to be the distraction to what I wanna do, let it be work or study. But I wanna tell her that I have decided not to study d. but I guess she will never know d. so stupid to still hold hope after all that have happen and said. Like I said, my 优点 is hopeful but my 缺点 is also hope. Hope has made me crazy. I have decided to wait until 23^rd of july. It’s gonna be the last wait I said to myself. But I’m sure it will not be good.

Had plans for tonite. Going for a drink again with frens. Really not in the mood and I know I’ve been drinking a lot lately and it is not healthy n helping. But I guess it will really help me stop think and miss her for a few hours. Hope that they won’t ffk me.

Hwei told me that when a person change, there is no explanation and there is ntg we can do. I understand but still in doubt, a girl that shared the same bed with me for over 2 years, how can change be so easy. Hwei said maybe she is sad too. I really can’t feel it but I hope it is true. At least I know I have loved the right person.

Deep down, I really wanted to get back together but…can only leave it all to time to tell. So sleepy but cannot sleep. So tired.